Angel sighed, a long deep sigh. She was unsure. About everything with Yin. She stared up at the ceiling of her room as she lied facing upwards from her bed; thoughts rapidly ran across her head. What...was she suppose to do? Or rather, what did she still think about him?
She didn't talk to him that often, ...well she did, but only when his other guy friends were around. When she was left alone with him, she couldn't bear to be in the same room as him. Her attraction towards him turned more intense when they were alone, which was why she always left. Angel had already knocked her head into the wall several times hoping to find a situation or answer, but unfortunately, she just got a bigger headache.
She was suppose to forget him, or go back to friend status with him. Without his knowledge of course. Wait a sec, her mind snapped, what knowledge?! He saw her as a "good friend." She slapped her hands on her eyes as she let out a exasperated noise,...her feelings were one sided. She couldn't seem to remember that.
She peeked through her fingers and thought about what her friends told her. He wasn't good enough for her. He wasn't committed to relationships. He played around. He was just using her. She should move on. Her friends advised what was best for her. But why didn't she take their advice? Instead she had gone deeper and deeper, to the point where she didn't know her own opinion of him anymore. She had been too widely influenced my her friends' thoughts since all of them, didn't want her to be hurt. And that forced her to just not want to think about anything. She had started to eat more sugary foods, boosting her self-confidence, but erasing the part of her which thought so often. She did things more recklessly and thought about the consequences after doing things. She didn't want to think about kissing him, embracing him, touching him, him touching her, she didn't want to think at all when she saw him. Angel was over her head, and she didn't want to deal with it anymore.
Solitude
Everyone Needs a Place to Get Away
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Friday, January 29, 2010
The Truth Hurts
Angel’s shining sapphire tears trickled down her cheeks from her brown auburn eyes, leaving a tear-stained face, after the teardrops left her face falling to the ground. Sobs broke through her chest, and she felt like she couldn't breathe. She never felt so hurt and damaged in her life before. Her pride so smashed, as well as her heart. Angel leaned against the wall, her head in her hands as she slowly dropped to the ground, as she continuously sobbed in separate intervals.
Her sparkling headband sewed with sequins had managed to fall off in the duration. It fell near her closet, in a tangle. Her entire attire consisting of a red sweater dress and black tights along with her black boots were in wrinkles, as though she had been in them for a long time. Her hair clung limply to her side, and in the light, her hair no longer held its usual glow; instead it was dead, as though it had fought a battle with something and was defeated. She leaned her head against the wall as thoughts ran across her mind, and she knew, she had been avoiding them from the start.
Her eyes closed and then reopened painfully. Yin never loved her from the start. From the moment, she admitted she had feelings for him, he never liked her; instead only saw it as entertainment to pass time. It was a one-sided love this whole time. Why couldn’t she accept the truth sooner? Why did she have to fall for such a immature jerk? He wasn't ready to date or commit to anything. Rather he had just been using her. And she just didn’t want to accept the truth, because it was ugly. It was ugly to hear, disgusting to know, because it wounded her pride, her soul, but mostly her heart.
She felt angry at herself, but also at him. He had played her, and she, being stupidly naive and hopeful, had fell into his alluring trap. She had too many false hopes, and he gave too many misunderstandings to make her think so.
She wished he was like other guys, who would bluntly tell her if anything was wrong. But he wasn't. He was different. He didn't trust her. Even through there were times when he did and said it aloud, in truth he held that tiny doubt in what she said. If there were any problems, or anything he was offended by, he wouldn't complained out loud, until pressured into. Instead they depended on their same-sex peers for advice; he went to the guys, while she went to the girls.
Everyone had told her, that he would never be committed to her. It was impossible due to his nature. But there were a few things she never expected, until time passed, such as being talked about behind her back, negatively. She never realized how he had felt, about her being near him. And after hearing what he had told others behind her back, she snapped. She didn't want to see him, she didn't want to think about him anymore. Whenever she was near him, part of her felt like running away while the other one wanted to stay by her side. The part of her that still liked him, wished intensely that he would tell her straight out. While the other part, hated him. As her emotions battled out, it broke her down. Which was what she was in right now, a meltdown.
Her eyes slowly closed and she wished, for time to pass, for her to never have fell for him.
One last lone tear trickled down her left side of her face, falling and then shattered before disappearing into the ground. And just like when that drop disappear, she felt as if her heart shattered into a million pieces.
And she didn't know what to do. She really didn't know what to think anymore.
Her sparkling headband sewed with sequins had managed to fall off in the duration. It fell near her closet, in a tangle. Her entire attire consisting of a red sweater dress and black tights along with her black boots were in wrinkles, as though she had been in them for a long time. Her hair clung limply to her side, and in the light, her hair no longer held its usual glow; instead it was dead, as though it had fought a battle with something and was defeated. She leaned her head against the wall as thoughts ran across her mind, and she knew, she had been avoiding them from the start.
Her eyes closed and then reopened painfully. Yin never loved her from the start. From the moment, she admitted she had feelings for him, he never liked her; instead only saw it as entertainment to pass time. It was a one-sided love this whole time. Why couldn’t she accept the truth sooner? Why did she have to fall for such a immature jerk? He wasn't ready to date or commit to anything. Rather he had just been using her. And she just didn’t want to accept the truth, because it was ugly. It was ugly to hear, disgusting to know, because it wounded her pride, her soul, but mostly her heart.
She felt angry at herself, but also at him. He had played her, and she, being stupidly naive and hopeful, had fell into his alluring trap. She had too many false hopes, and he gave too many misunderstandings to make her think so.
She wished he was like other guys, who would bluntly tell her if anything was wrong. But he wasn't. He was different. He didn't trust her. Even through there were times when he did and said it aloud, in truth he held that tiny doubt in what she said. If there were any problems, or anything he was offended by, he wouldn't complained out loud, until pressured into. Instead they depended on their same-sex peers for advice; he went to the guys, while she went to the girls.
Everyone had told her, that he would never be committed to her. It was impossible due to his nature. But there were a few things she never expected, until time passed, such as being talked about behind her back, negatively. She never realized how he had felt, about her being near him. And after hearing what he had told others behind her back, she snapped. She didn't want to see him, she didn't want to think about him anymore. Whenever she was near him, part of her felt like running away while the other one wanted to stay by her side. The part of her that still liked him, wished intensely that he would tell her straight out. While the other part, hated him. As her emotions battled out, it broke her down. Which was what she was in right now, a meltdown.
Her eyes slowly closed and she wished, for time to pass, for her to never have fell for him.
One last lone tear trickled down her left side of her face, falling and then shattered before disappearing into the ground. And just like when that drop disappear, she felt as if her heart shattered into a million pieces.
And she didn't know what to do. She really didn't know what to think anymore.
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