Everyone Needs a Place to Get Away

Sunday, October 7, 2012

Not Alone.

"Don't waste a minute not being happy.
If one window closes, run to the next window. Or just break down the door."

Life seems to have gone by so fast. Angel sighed. She was in her last year of college. She had a relationship. was gone. She had ended it. She had fallen in love so quickly with Leon during her sophomore year. And now, it was finished. It was  her personal reasons why the relationship could not continue. None of the fault laid with him. But she felt horrible for making someone dear to her hurt. Terrible. Painful.

As she looked at herself in the mirror leaning against the wall, she saw a confused girl looking back. Her auburn eyes were empty and dark. Her hair looked the same as it did that time when she was crying back in freshman year. Angel started having flashbacks of her past. Her puppy love, her  obsession with Yin, her one-side crushes (Tristan, Jake), other people's one-side crushes of her, her relationship with Leon. Some of these flashbacks were good memories, some of them had the most horrible outcomes. She blinked and slapped her hands across her cheeks. She was not going to cry. She had gotten through hard times. She had made mistakes. She had paid for it by never forgetting those experiences. This was her decision to go through with it. And now the consequences. She needed to accept them.

"You are strong. You can get through this." Angel murmured to her reflection. She closed her eyes to hear the silence around her. The slow realization of loneliness embraced her like a old friend. She turned around and grabbed the stuffed animal Ethan had given her, and hugged it. The blue-eyed puff ball stared back at her. She patted the white soft fur and sighed again. The relationship and the memories that came with it will never be forgotten as well as the pain and the guilt...

Everything seemed so different than it was before. But this. This was what she wanted. The time to find herself. The time to better manage herself. What she really liked to do. Learning how to take pictures. Making new friends. What she needed to work on.

One being her nature to trust others.

There have been some recent new acquaintances she encountered And as she found out, they were not what they seemed they were. Angel slightly tightened her grip on the puff ball. The world is not as kind as she originally thought. There are people who care only about climbing up and using anyone as a stepping stone. There are people who like to play around with other people's feelings and use it to their advantage. Womanizers. There are people that do not want to be friends but pretend they are. Two-faced. There are people worse off than her. There are many kinds people who seem terrible And she has been too protected to fend against these kinds of people. Now was the time she had to grow up.

She was thankful to her close friends and her family who have been by her side. They had forgiven her when she had done something wrong. And they have stood by her side. But they also helped her stay strong as well as looked out for her. She needed to get stronger to look out for these precious friends as well.

Now was the time she had to get stronger. Even if some people no longer acknowledge her when she walks passed, there was no need to be sad. Because if they had wanted to stay in her life, they would have made a effort to do so. If they did not, then what was the point of chasing after them? (Of course unless it was for work, that would be a different matter). As for those using her as a stepping stone and pretending to like the same things she did. They needed to realize that there is a better way of life. There was no need to pretend to like the same hobbies she did, Angel would much rather preferred if they just honestly said what she liked. But people have their reasons.

As a whole bunch of more thoughts popped up on these thoughts, Angel hugged puff ball, shook her head and nodded.

She needed to finished studying for her midterms which were happening in a few days. Angel placed puff ball back onto the bed and jumped into her seat. Priorities come first. Worrying about relationship and social problems will need to come later. It was definitely a huge life change but now it was time to go on with life.

As she started to read her notes for one of her midterms. One thought definitely remained with her. One tear dropped as she smiled. Her family and those who cared about her, her real friends will always be with her; Ethan, Chloe, Aurora...She was not alone.